Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sorry, I forgot

Suffering from Depression and PTSD, it is well known that these illnesses can affect your memory. However with mine, it seems to be targeting it. My memory is so horrible, infact, in the time it took to sign in to write a new blog, I forgot what I wanted to blog about. BAM, gone. It may return, it may not. Most likely not. This is quite a difficult symptom to have if you ever intend on working for a living.
My desk looks like an advertisement for Post-Its. There are sticky notes everywhere. "Turn me off at night" on my work phone and computer. "Take the mail" on any letters I receive. Constant reminders popping up on my computer when I need to call someone or make an appointment. Sometimes I'll start talking and midsentence, the thought is gone. Even if someone reminds me what I was beginning to speak about, I can't finish it. My only response is "ya, words".
My boyfriend also suffers for depression (yep, we're quite a pair). A conversation between the two of us is often amusing for others to listen to. Both of us, "blah blah blah, ya words". Maybe that's why we have such a great relationship. We don't fight because we can't remember anything long enough to fight about it.
Sweet, sweet love.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

You've Got To Be Shitting Me

So, after the worst year of my life, I recently attended a conference where I shared my story of struggling with depression, anxiety and PTSD and announced my legacy; to open an Equine Therapy Centre for those that struggle with Mental Health Issues. I had a lot of people come to me, telling me how brave I was for speaking about this and how it was nice that I was not ashamed of my mental health issues. Note to those who have not been admitted to a Mental Health facility: talking about your own mental health is like talking about the weather.
Also during this conference, an idea was presented. A $20 challenge. Each person in the room was given $20 to make a difference in 24 hours. Before I knew it, people were coming up to me with their $20 to go towards my Equine Therapy Centre. I left with $500. Within 2 days the word had spread and I now have $800. I then received a volunteering position at my stable with a free lessons from our top instructor. Then a free photoshoot with my horse to use to continue to create interest! Holy shit nuggets! I totally  don't believe in fate but its kinda hard not to think about it when its smacking you in the face and yelling "Here's the money for your tuition, here's the free lessons from a mentor and here's a free photoshoot to keep people interested!". Is this for real? I've been riding a high from this experience but the one thing I'm really hoping for? That this high doesn't fade too fast.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Ok, Here We Go

Ok, this is my first blog so bear with me. I decided to blog because I can't seem to find the time to journal throughout the day and everything seems easier when you do it on a computer right? Right. Also, this blog may get confusing at times because I'm still trying to figure out who I am.

You see, over the last year I've been dealing with some huge mental health struggles. Infact, in August, I left a Mental Health Centre after spending 4 months there trying to cure myself of major depression, major anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder. Unfortunately, I realized pretty quickly that no matter how long I stayed in this facility, I would not be "cured", only given the tools to help me in my "recovery" (which is life long for those of you who don't know). Kind of ironic huh? People that hate their lives spend the rest of their lives trying to recover from hating their lives? If that makes sense? It may not. Oh ya, I should probably mention that too. Due to the mass amounts of medication I'm on, I have a horrible memory so if I forget something that I wanted to mention, there's a good chance I might just throw it in the middle of a paragraph that may relate to something completely different. I'll do my best to explain but I'm not making any promises.

Anyways, I guess you will be following me on my recovery journey. Kinda like following an alcoholic on their ride to sobriety. Oh ya, on occasions that may be mentioned also (kinda went down that road as well). I will warn you that I have no censorship and some of my jokes are extremely inappropriate. Deal with it or don't read it.

Signing off,